Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
