Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
