its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
