She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
