my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
