Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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