True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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