god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
