We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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