Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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