dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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