I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
