:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
