we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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