hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
