You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize