I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
