so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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