Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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