Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
