i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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