I never want to see another naked old woman again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
