I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
