i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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