the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
