pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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