Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
