Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And then he peed in my hair
The ass gains better be worth it
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