About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
