she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
