I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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