Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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