This girl is more easily done than said...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
