I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
