It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
