I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
