I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
