is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize