also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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