two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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