she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize