dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
