Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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