Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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