between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
