i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
