worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
