All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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