So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize