Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
