I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
