Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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