I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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