too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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