Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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