I have demons in me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
