Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We left an ass print on the piano.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
