He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
