A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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