Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
