Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
