so let's talk penis.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
