she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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