so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
we're chasing vodka with high fives
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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