What a fucking waste of an outfit
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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