I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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