i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
