I just saw a hot homeless man
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
