if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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