If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
