so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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