don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
