I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
