I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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