do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
