is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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