My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
