We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
